Horse To Water

When I was big I remember chatting to my boss's secretary, she told me straight that if I didn't lose weight then I was going to die young. I remember her saying it, I also remember the macaroon I ate as soon as I got back to my desk and the suet pudding I had for my lunch that day. This weekend I have been away at a family wedding celebration near London. I met with one of my family and I offered them the world, they are in a really tricky position financially and also job wise and I offered to clear their debt, buy them a house and try to find them a job. But they turned me down. They spent more time telling me reasons why they couldn't change than seeing the possibility and going for it. They asked where they would live in the short term, I said my spare room. They said how could they afford to pay the bills on their old flat, I said I would pay them. They said that they had to give notice on their job or would get in trouble, I said I would sort that out for them and yet, even though there was no reason I could see for them to not just take the help on offer they declined and put their head back into the sand.

Now, within a year they are going to be financially crippled and  I probably won't be able to save them without digging very deep into my pockets but they weren't ready to listen, they weren't ready to move on and saw my offer of help as interference in their life. And therefore I backed away! Something I learnt many years ago through my own experience and counselling people 1-2-1 is that sometimes people don't want saving. Sometimes people can see the water, they can even smell the water but however much you stand there next to them they aren't prepared to drink it.

Back to the lady who told me that I was going to die, now she meant it to help me and she was astonished I had allowed myself to get that big.  I didn't want helping and certainly nobody can force anyone into a smaller pair of jeans, it has to be you, on your terms, in your time and on your own! We are all responsible for ourselves, we got ourselves big and we can get ourselves slim and no external interference is going to make any difference. Sure I coach people all the time. I try and show them a roadmap and a path to walk down but if they choose to go in the opposite direction then that is absolutely fine but don't be surprised if you don't reach where you stated you wanted to go in the first place. Now maybe my family member will call in the week and say 'I've though it all through, please can you help me' and I will be there, but I won't be making the call to them because it won't be helping them and, if anything, may make the situation worse.